At my sons two month well visit our pediatrician told me, "Make sure to encourage him to look in both directions, nurse on both sides and switch ends of the diaper changing table." And that was it. No explanation. Nothing. I took her advice, not quite sure why I was being told to do this. Between the two month visit and four month visit I did notice his head getting flat and more so on one side. I noticed him tilting his head as he held it up. My gut told me that something was wrong. Why didn't I call? Why didn't I say something sooner? At our four month visit all she said was, "I am concerned that he is tilting his head and is flatter on one side. I am going to recommend you see a physical therapist." It wasn't until I got home and read the prescription that she gave me: torticollis. From there it was down the rabbit hole that is Dr. Google. Quickly the mommy guilt set in. And if I told you that the guilt is completely gone I would be lying.
By the time I got to see his physical therapist he was four and a half months. I had no idea what I was getting myself into or what this was going to entail. During the evaluation she said, "The tilts not that bad you should be done by 12 to 18 months." Why hadn't I gotten here sooner? How was that a quick recovery? What and where had I gone wrong? My little boy is my whole world, how had I already failed him in his four and a half short months of life?
Our second visit to our physical therapist she asked me to look into helmets. HOW? How did my little angel get HERE? Why him? Why us? Down the rabbit hole I went once again. A quick consult with Dr. Google had me frantic. Was my little innocent angel going to have brain trouble? Had I done something that would 'deform' him forever? It wasn't long before I set an appointment with Cranial Technologies to get his head evaluated against my pediatrician's advice. The report put him into a severe range. His ears were beginning to drift. Since my pediatrician was not supportive we decided to get a second opinion.
Off to the pediatric craniofacial plastic surgeon. And at this point I will say we are incredibly lucky to live in an area where we are close to such advanced medical care. The doctor's bottom line was if it doesn't bother us there is no negative effect. If we were bothered with the flatness than he was supportive of us going ahead with a DOC band and to return at the end of treatment to make sure he had improved.
After many sleepless nights and tears, the mommy guilt got the best of me. I could not face my son when he got older if we did not do this. What if someday the odd shape of his head bothered him? What if kids made fun of him?
Mommy guilt or not here we are. Physical therapy twice a month until he reaches a year and then he will be reevaluated. Wearing a DOC band 23 hours a day until we don't anymore. (estimated time of three and a half months)
I have shoved all the mommy guilt into the dark corners of my mind. I can only focus on the now and the future. Instead of just enjoying play time with my baby I am now constantly worrying about if the way he is looking is helping his torticollis. I have read many stories of people that struggle with torticollis even into adulthood. To keep from the guilt creeping up I WILL prevent that from happening to my little boy.
The reason I tell this story is that if I can save one mother from the heart ache and stress I have endured throughout this physical therapy and helmet journey by them just searching and learning about torticollis that will make my heart happy. I urge anyone that has a concern to not wait. When they are this little time is of the essence.
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